Sidelined

This post is not for the faint of heart and provides TMI to the highest degree. Consider yourself warned, read at your own risk. No one ever stopped reading after such a warning, but really, once you know this about me, there is no way for you to EVER un-know it. Do you really want to go there? OK, you asked for it... Yesterday I had an awesome 12 mile bike ride followed by a 1.5 mile run. I felt great afterwards and I was so proud that I was able to run after the bike ride.I was finally starting to feeling like I would be able to, at least, finish the triathlon that was happening in only 21 days. Unfortunately, that feeling of greatness and hope was short lived... I came home, took a shower and sat down on my bed when my husband noticed that I was bleeding pretty heavily. I, of course, thought I had started my period. Since I have entered the world of peri-menopause nothing about my, once very benign, cycle surprises me anymore. No big deal, I went to get the necessary protective equipment for just such a time and began to go about the business of getting dressed. My husband, once again, alerted me to the fact that blood was running down my leg. WTF I had taken care of this, why the hell was I still bleeding? I followed the trail of blood back to the bathroom and got in the shower. After some embarrassing detective work, I discovered that I was not on my period after all. All clear on that front, which meant that the blood could only be coming from one other orifice. That's right folks, my ass was leaking!!! At this point my bathroom was looking like a crime scene and I was definitely feeling like a victim of some sick joke. Since having my third child, I have had hemorrhoids on and off, but it has never been anything big, just another side effect of surviving past my 20's. I had never had an experience quite like this though. I was panicked thinking I was going to have to go to the ER ass-end-up just to get the bleeding to stop. After 20 minutes it slowed considerably and after an hour or two it did stop completely and has not returned. For that I am thankful, but I am still needing to see an asshole Dr. in the very near future. I can't fucking wait!!! The last time I had to let a Dr. check out my asshole I was in college and the Dr. was barely out of it himself. He dug around in my butt with a finger full of KY while I choked on my vanishing dignity. Afterwards, he made small talk with me about soccer and UT and whatever the hell else he saw fit. All I could do was avoid eye contact. Turns out I had dysentery (wtf???right???) This time I get to go in there with something sinister and bloody hanging out of my ass. It's gonna be fabulous. As far as the triathlon goes, I'm done with training for now. I am not even going to attempt a bike ride or a run or anything that would cause me to strain myself. If I have another prolonged bleed like that, I will surely end up at the ER, or dead on my bathroom floor. If I was in decent enough shape and could get treatment in time I could still consider competing on AUG. 25th, but since I still need every moment possible to prepare, which I can temporarily NOT do, I am going to have to postpone my first TRI. I won't lie and say that I don't feel some sense of relief to have bought myself some more time to get ready, but it is coming at the expense of my asshole and my pride. What the fuck am I going to tell people who all know I was planning to do this??? Mostly I'm disappointed. I was finally getting in a good groove...and now there is a chance that I may never get back on this wagon... For now, I'll just take my donut pillow and go home.